


What is Your Wound?

by Atlantech



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Family, Gen, Grimes Family - Freeform, If I think of anymore I'll add lol, M/M, Morgan Jones died instead of Carl, Reminiscing, Season 9, slaying walkers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:00:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28638912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atlantech/pseuds/Atlantech
Summary: This is an AU story where Morgan died instead of Carl. It's mostly focused on the Grimes family and other characters so I have not decided if the Whisperers will be included at all. But there will be walker kills. Can't have TWD without it.
Relationships: Aaron/Jesus (Walking Dead), Daryl Dixon/Carol Peletier, Magna/Yumiko, Rick Grimes/Michonne, Rosita/Father Gabriel, Tara/OC
Comments: 17
Kudos: 13





	1. Remebering Morgan Jones

**Author's Note:**

> I always hated Carl's death in the show, to me it made no sense. Morgan built the cell that Negan ended up in, and with his "All life is Precious" mantra, it would have made more sense for Rick to spare Negan's life in order to honor the loss of Morgan.
> 
> I have not decided how many chapters this fic will be, so I'm just gonna sit back and see what comes of it. Thanks to anyone who reads and supports this fic. TWD is one of my all time favorite shows.

What is Your Wound?

“I think about him sometimes, what he did for me, how he saved me and Carl. I even think of the time he tried to kill me, or even the time when Carl shot him. He was fine, he had that bulletproof vest on. He was a changed man. I knew his face but he wasn’t the same man who saved me. He didn’t even remember me then, I had to remind him who I was. I had to show him the walkie talkie I gave him, just so he’d remember and he did. He told me that he listened for my voice every day at sunup but I wasn’t there. _“You were not there”_ he said. Broke my heart, because I know I was there, and I tried to reach him, but things kept getting in the way. Times were different then. All of us were still trying to figure out how to navigate ourselves in this world. There was a lot we didn’t know.

“Shane knew. I still kick myself today for not seeing it, for not seeing what was comin. Back then we were only worried about the walkers, we’d forgotten about people and what they were capable of. Then we saw it: with the Governor, with those claimers, with Terminus, the wolves, and…….” Rick paused for a moment, sighing with frustration as he forced the next word out, “The Saviors.”

Rick stared daggers as he stood face to face with the man behind bars. “And you,” he muttered harshly.

He now heard a raspy chuckle, and narrowed his eyes.

“The only reason you are still alive at all, is because of Morgan,” Rick sneered. “He built that cell, because he wanted to show me another way. He even believed that all life was precious, until you and your people showed up. Your people changed him again.”

Negan smirked at Rick.

“You shouldn’t be alive,” Rick glared back. “But I’m doing this for _him_ , not me, or for anyone else. _Just him._

“Well, how sweet,” Negan remarked condescendingly, in a voice that was barely above a whisper. “How’d he die again? Cause I sure as shit don’t remember.”

Rick sent Negan a stabbing scowl. “He was killed by one _you_ r men; Gavin.”

“Gavin?” Negan replied incredulously, pursing his lips. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

Rick’s glare never wavered. “That’s the one. Carol told me Henry killed him.”

“Really?” Negan sounded utterly impressed. “That kid took out _my_ man?”

Rick tilt his head. “Carol told me Henry stabbed him in the throat with his stick. I guess Morgan taught him that,” he smirked.

“That kid’s got some big balls for sure,” Negan chuckled softly. “Just like _Carl_.”

Rick suddenly went stone faced. “You don’t get to say his name, you hear me?”

“Say his name?” Negan repeated quizzically. “Rick, your boy has been coming by to chat every day after school. He even asks me to help him out with his homework.”

Rick felt nothing but anger and panic crashing through him. He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard; Carl coming to chat with Negan, and even getting help from him with his homework? That was supposed to be Rick’s job, not this worthless piece of trash. Negan wasn’t Carl’s father, he was!

Negan seemed surprised by Rick’s reaction, but also thoroughly amused. “You mean, he hasn’t told you yet?”

Rick shook his head in disbelief. “No he hasn’t. Probably because he knows I would tell him to stay away from you.” He pointed his index finger at Negan.

There was a momentary silence before Negan even spoke again.

“He told me he has tried to talk to you, Rick, but you’re always _too_ busy running things in Alexandria. Maybe, if you’d make time for your boy he wouldn’t feel the need to come to me. And unlike you? I _listen_ to him, and I bet hearing that just gets your man-panties all up in a bunch, doesn’t it, Rick?”

Hatred burned in Rick’s eyes as he looked back at Negan, but deep underneath that hate was a feeling of betrayal. He couldn’t stand the truth that Carl was coming to Negan instead of him. He was crushed.

“Ah, you’re still giving me that same old stink-eye after all these years,” Negan mused then. “Rick the Prick, and you still are. Maybe a little older lookin, but you’ll always be that same prick.”

Rick shot him another icy glare. “You can say whatever you want to Negan. You can run that mouth of yours all day if you like, but Carl is _my_ son and I will not allow him anywhere near the likes of you again. Do you understand me?” Rick clenched his teeth and gripped the bars with his hands, looking Negan right in the eye. “Say yes.”

Negan scoffed, and got right in Rick’s face as well. “Yes.”

“Good,” Rick snarled, as he released the bars and stepped back. He was already tired of looking at that man as it was. _I should’ve just let him die that day. Why the hell did I save him?_ Rick felt disgusted with himself, but then he remembered Morgan, and the sacrifice he’d made. Now he knew why.

Negan stepped back as well, disappearing into the shadows of his cell like a snake slithering back inside its hole. Outside, the sun was already beginning to set, and the people of Alexandria were all finishing up their work and heading inside their homes to prepare dinner, and settle in for the night.

Rick knew Michonne would come looking for him soon if he wasn’t back home in time for dinner. She was pregnant with his third child, but still felt the need to do all the cooking. She loved to cook, and she also enjoyed the help she got from both Carl and Judith. It was amazing, and Rick never dreamed he would ever see this kind of life again, or that it was possible, but Michonne never allowed him to give up on that dream; she kept it alive, and in the end she turned out to be right. It was one of many reasons why he’d fallen in love with her.

“I’m leavin now, Negan,” Rick announced then, heading towards the exit, when he suddenly heard Negan scoff again. He paused and looked behind him, furrowing his brow. “You got somethin else you want to say to me?”

Negan chuckled again. “Oh, Rick. Just that you forgot to empty my shit bucket. Now come on, you’re not gonna leave and force me to smell my own shit all night, are ya?”

Rick wrinkled his nose with disgust. “I think you can deal with it. I’ll have someone else come by in the morning and take care of that.” He started towards the door, grabbed it and coldly threw over his shoulder, “Sweet dreams, Negan.”


	2. Family Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Grimes family shares a meal together, and later some important conversations.

Chapter 2: Family Time

“You’re late,” Michonne said in a playful stern voice the moment Rick had walked through the front door of their home. She, Carl and Judith had already set the table, and were sitting and patiently waiting.

Rick closed the door behind him, and then made his way over to the table to join his family. “What are we havin?” He asked, flashing a smile.

“Vegetable casserole in homemade tomato sauce,” Michonne answered, gesturing towards the medium sized glass dish of food in the center of the dining table.” I got the recipe from Carol.”

“Sounds delicious,” Rick said, taking his seat next to Michonne. Both Carl and Judith were seated across from them. “What are we drinking?”

“Lemonade,” Michonne answered, taking a drink from her own glass.

Rick’s eyes suddenly shifted over to Carl. His son was sixteen years old now. Rick couldn’t believe it. He still wore his hair to his shoulders, using his bangs to cover up his missing eye. Judith had suggested an eye-patch, but Carl said he didn’t want to look like the Governor.

“E-everything okay, dad?” Carl asked, sounding a tad nervous. With the look his father was giving him in that moment, he knew something was up. “Dad?” Carl repeated after getting no response the first time around.

“Fine,” Rick answered, deciding it was better not to bring up the Negan issue when they were supposed to be enjoying their time together as a family. _The Negan crap can wait for now_ , Rick thought.

“All right everyone; let’s eat before this gets cold,” Michonne said, first serving Judith a helping, and then Carl, before serving herself and Rick.”

“Shouldn’t there be two servings on your plate?” Rick teased her.

She scoffed. “You’re right I am eating for two now, aren’t I?”

Judith and Carl chuckled as they started to eat.

“Is it going to be a boy or a girl?” Judith asked, after taking her first bite. Rick couldn’t believe how much she was starting to look like Lori, and _Shane._

Michonne smiled at her. “It’s a surprise.”

“I hope it’s a girl,” Judith replied with a smile of her own. “I’d love to have a baby sister.”

Rick took a bite of his food and nodded at her.

Carl was silent while he ate, but Judith’s words reminded him a lot of himself back when his mother was pregnant. He didn’t know if it was going to be a boy or a girl either. But he also didn’t know he’d be the one putting down his mother either. That was a memory he’d never forgotten.

“Can we kill more walkers tomorrow?” Judith suddenly asked, taking everyone else by utter surprise.

Michonne’s jaw dropped, and she turned to Rick.

Rick paused, and shot Judith a quizzical look. She was only six years old now and already a good shot with a pistol. She and Carl, under the supervision of Michonne, had gone out for shooting practice. That’s when Judith had shot and killed her first walker; something she was very proud of. And while strange, there wasn’t much else for children to do in this world, but killing walkers had somehow become a favorite pastime for some, especially young Judith.

“Can we?” Judith asked again.

Michonne then reached across the table and gently patted her hand. “We’ll see.”

Rick chuckled and shook his head. Little Judith was something else.

 _Shane would be proud of his girl_ , Rick thought now _. I know I’m proud of her._ Then he looked back at Carl. Suddenly, that sinking feeling in his gut returned.

ↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈ

After dinner Judith and Carl had both washed up and gotten ready for bed. Michonne was standing outside on their porch relaxing for a bit; enjoying the scenery, when Rick walked out to join her. Hearing him, she quickly turned around to face him. He grabbed her face and kissed her passionately for what felt like the longest moment before then they broke apart, and she smiled up at him, stroking his face and beard.

“What’s wrong?” She asked after seeing the forlorn expression on his face.

Rick looked down. “Negan,” he muttered.

Michonne furrowed her brow with concern. “What’s he done now?”

Rick raised his chin and sighed. “It’s Carl. Negan told me Carl has been going down there to see him.”

Michonne gasped. “Why?”

“I guess because Negan _listens_ to him,” Rick reiterated Negan’s words from earlier. “Says I’m too busy running things here. He’s even been helping Carl with his homework.” Rick groaned with disgust.

Michonne sighed, and shook her head in disbelief. “You want me to talk to Carl?”

Rick shook his head slowly. “No, it should be me. I’ll talk to him about it.”

Michonne reached up and lovingly caressed his face again. “Look at me, Rick,” she said softly. “It’s going to be okay. Don’t let _him_ get to you again, you hear me?”

Rick looked into her eyes and nodded again. “I know,” he smiled. “Cause you’re here.”

Michonne’s eyes brimmed with tears, and her bottom lip trembled. “I love you,” she smiled back, kissing his lips again. Rick returned the kiss and wrapped his arms around her. The night was peaceful and the sounds of crickets filled the air.

“Tomorrow is a new day,” Michonne whispered.

Rick agreed. “Yes. Yes it is.”

ↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈ

Back inside the house Carl was sitting on his bed thinking to himself, when Judith unexpectedly walked in.

“I came to say goodnight,” she told him, while also noticing he looked something was bothering him. “Is something wrong?”

Carl shrugged in response. “I-I don’t know, but I didn’t like the way dad was looking at me during dinner. I think he might be mad at me.”

“Because you talk to Negan?” Judith asked.

Carl’s eye went wide. “How do you know that?”

“Because I hear you guys sometimes,” Judith answered with an innocent shrug, taking a seat next to her brother on his bed. “Dad doesn’t know, does he?”

Carl shook his head. “No he doesn’t. Mom doesn’t either.”

“Why don’t you tell them then?” Judith suggested. “Is it because you’re afraid they won’t let you talk to him anymore?”

Carl couldn’t believe how perceptive his little sister actually was, or the fact that she seemed to know more about things than she let on.

“Right. They wouldn’t understand or approve. And I know he’s done terrible things, but I kind of like talking to him. He kinda gets me, you know?”

Judith nodded. “You’re friends. I kind of like him too. He makes me laugh.”

Carl cracked a smile and nodded. “Yeah me too. Is that wrong? I know he killed people we knew and loved, but dad isn’t always there. He’s too busy.”

“Don’t worry your secret is safe with me,” Judith replied, hugging her brother.

“Thanks,” Carl said, hugging her back. “We’ll kill more walkers tomorrow.”

“Really?” She exclaimed with excitement.

Carl nodded. “Yeah we will. I’ll even let you wear my hat.”

Judith gave her brother a quick peck on his cheek. “Thanks, you’re the best!”

“Goodnight, Judith,” Carl said one final time as his sister leapt off the bed and back onto the floor.

“Goodnight, Carl,” she called back, before leaving and closing the door behind her.

Afterwards, Carl crawled under the covers and settled in. Looking up at the ceiling he began to worry about how he was going to have the Negan talk with his father. He already assumed his dad must have found out somehow, and that’s why he was looking at him funny during dinner.

Carl sighed, and then closed his eye.


	3. Nomenclature

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After securing Negan, Rick takes a walk to Morgan's grave, while taking time to reflect on everything.

Chapter 3: Nomenclature

“Rise ‘n shine, Negan,” Rick curtly announced the next morning as he entered the basement, carrying his cuffs.

Lying on his cot, Negan’s eyes fluttered open and he gasped with surprise. “Oh, C’mon, Rick. Can’t I just have five more minutes? Me and my shit bucket here were having a moment.”

Rick rolled his eyes with annoyance and barked, “On your feet, now!”

Negan let out a long drawn out sigh as he slowly sat up. Through the barred window of his cell he could see the golden glow of the morning sun. Then, as he slowly stood up, he could even feel some of the light on his face. It felt nice and warm; something he’d obviously taken for granted back when he was a free man. Now as a prisoner he desperately missed it.

“You know the routine,” Rick said looking him in the eye. “Walk up to the bars and stick your hands out.”

Negan huffed, but did as he was told; albeit in a slow manner, trying Rick’s patience as usual. Once he had stuck his hands out through the bars, Rick slapped the cuffs on him, and then turned around and signaled that it was safe for the other party to enter the room.

“It’s okay now,” Rick announced to the other person. “He’s cuffed. He won’t be causing anymore problems.”

Eugene timidly entered the room wearing a face mask and nervously said, “Hello.”

Negan’s brows rose with intrigue. “Well, if it ain’t my old _bullet maker_ , Eugene. Hello to you too, Mr. Smarty Pants. So you’re the lucky one who gets to empty _my_ shit bucket this time, huh? I was expecting the Father again.”

Rick rolled his eyes again and turned towards Eugene. “You think you can handle this?”

Eugene nodded. “That’s an Affirmative. “I know Father Gabriel usually handles the morning feces removal procedure, but I assure you that I’ve got this like a piece of cake, even if said piece of cake is in fact human scat.” Then after an awkward moment of silence between them he monotonously added, “I’ve got this.”

Relieved, Rick gave Eugene an appreciative pat on the shoulder, and then walked out.

ↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈ

The moment Rick walked back up the steps and made it outside, he instantly felt the warm sun on his face, and just stood there with his eyes closed; taking it all in. After a moment, he exhaled and opened them again, raising his right hand up to shield his vision from the blinding sunlight as he surveyed the area around him. He could already see some of the other Alexandrians up working in the crop fields. Some of them even saw him and waved, smiling. Seeing this brought a smile to his face as well. This was the dream he’d had all this time, and now it had finally come true, but of course it had come at a cost. In honoring the memory of Morgan, Rick had robbed Maggie of her desire to see Negan die. And after the brutal manner in which Negan murdered her husband, Rick knew Maggie’s feelings were justified.

It had been the reason why their relationship seemed strained these days. They still traded goods with each other’s communities, but that seemed to be all. Maggie Rhee was definitely holding onto a grudge, and Rick couldn’t blame her either. He probably would have felt the same if Negan had killed Carl or even Michonne. Just thinking about that horrified him, and he was glad it didn’t happen. But of course that didn’t mean he wasn’t still sad for Maggie, because he deeply was; especially now that her son was growing up without a father. There was Jesus who young Hershel seemed to get along with, but of course it wasn’t the same. Nothing was ever the same after they’d lost _Glenn and Abraham……….Sasha……..Eric…………..Morgan._

Rick sighed and lowered his head. He really missed Morgan, and wondered how different things would have turned out if Morgan had survived the war with the Saviors. Unfortunately, the Sanctuary was still standing, but the remaining Saviors had either gone to live at the other communities that would accept them, or had gone off on their way, heading God knows where. Oceanside refused to take any of them in, and with good reason. Rick understood and respected that, but he also understood that not all of the Saviors were bad, and that’s why he and his people had decided to take a lot of them in.

As it turned out, most of them had integrated well with their community, especially the former Savior, Laura. She had definitely gone above and beyond to earn her keep at Alexandria, and at one time had even remarked that she wished she could have been here from the start. Rick found out that a lot of the former Saviors felt that way; they were just afraid of voicing it back then; fear of being killed by Negan or Simon.

No matter how Rick saw it, there had been too many deaths, and there were too many faces to remember that still haunted his dreams at times. Everyone they had lost from Atlanta, all the way to now. Sometimes Rick found it hard to believe everything he’d been through just to get to where he was today. Eugene had even brought up the idea of writing a book about their adventures so that there would be a record of it all once they were no longer around; their own personal memoirs of their journey. Rick had to laugh when the next thing Eugene brought up was the idea of having statues of their likenesses made. That was just too much, Rick thought. Imagine: A statue of the infamous Rick Grimes of Alexandria, Maggie of Hilltop, King Ezekiel of the Kingdom, and…… Cydnie of Oceanside? The idea had been flattering, but in reality Rick didn’t think his community needed a statue of him after he was gone; he preferred to see the people keep Alexandria and all the other communities going for as long as they could. That was all Rick really wanted.

Alexandria was beautiful. it had become the kind of farming community that Deanna and Hershel would have been proud to see. Rick missed him too, and often heard his voice in the back of his mind getting after him when he was wrong about something; almost as if Hershel had become the voice of his own conscience. Other times he could hear Shane’s or even Lori’s voice nagging him. Rick didn’t mind. In a way it felt like they were still alive someplace; maybe heaven. After all these years Rick had struggled with his own faith, but had never completely denounced it. That was something else Michonne had helped him with. She had truly been his foundation; always there to keep him off the ground, and always there to lift him back up. Rick had never been one to believe in soul mates, but there was something about the relationship he and Michonne shared that made him feel otherwise. She was his soul mate.

ↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈↈ

The walk over to Morgan’s grave had been a brisk one, and Rick took his time, knowing he was due back in the basement to un-cuff Negan after Eugene was finished. He didn’t give a damn. Negan could wait until he was good and ready. Hopefully by then he’d be too tired to run his mouth anymore. Rick was sure Eugene had gotten his fill for the morning, but also glad he hadn’t stuck around to listen to any more of it.

And then like a dark menacing cloud blocking out the sunshine, he was once again reminded of the fact that Carl had been sneaking into the basement and talking to Negan behind his back. It utterly infuriated him, but he knew he couldn’t do or say anything that would push Carl away from him. He needed to be stern, to remind Carl of who Negan was and why he was in that cell. Rick needed to assert his role as Carl’s father, but also apologize for not always being there when his son needed him. Rick was already kicking himself for that alone.

 _I’m sorry, Carl_ , he thought now, when the next thing he knew he was staring down at Morgan’s grave. It stood apart from the others in the graveyard, and there was a symbol over the top; the exact same symbol from the cover of that book Morgan carried with him; _“The Art of Peace.”_

Slowly, Rick got down on one knee and solemnly bowed his head. A heavy sigh escaped as he felt the sadness pour over him like light rainfall. But along with that feeling of sadness was also a comforting feeling of peace; of knowing that Morgan was back with his wife Jenny and their son Duane. Morgan had found his family. He was no longer seeing red of needing to clear, he was at peace.

Rick felt a stray tear run down his cheek, and he brushed it away with his hand. “I’m sorry for what happened to you,” he sighed with heaviness, feeling weighed down by his grief. “I’m sorry you’re not here with us anymore. I miss you, Morgan. I know we didn’t always see eye to eye on things, but I appreciate that you always had my back. You know I had yours, and I’m sorry I—“ Rick suddenly felt choked up, reminded that he wasn’t there to stop Morgan from being killed. Carol was there but couldn’t stop it either. She and Morgan had been ambushed by Gavin, and Morgan had pushed her out of the way, taking a bullet in the chest.

Carol had relayed to Rick on what had happened, how she tried to stop the bleeding but couldn’t, because Morgan wouldn’t let her. She told Rick that he forcefully removed her hand and told her _, “Just let me die.”_ Carol didn’t fight him on that, instead she honored his last request unlike the time she asked for the same and he wouldn’t allow it. How strange it was but also fitting. In the end she had taken out her knife and stabbed him in the head to prevent him from becoming a walker. There was no way she would allow that to happen. Still, it made her cry, and after Henry had killed Gavin, he cried in Carol’s arms. That poor kid had already seen too much death, first his father, then his older brother, and now Morgan too.

Now another tear had made its way down Rick’s face. He felt remorseful. “I wish you could be here to see this, to see how far we’ve come. But I have a pretty good feeling you do know.” He then looked heavenward at the clear blue sky. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day, and for that Rick was grateful. “All life is precious,” Rick said with a smile, giving Morgan’s grave marker one final look before rising back up to his feet. No matter what, Rick was going to make certain that today was a good day for him and everyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eugene's dialogue is a pain in the ass to write so I just put whatever I imagine him saying.


	4. In the Garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michonne and Judith have a nice mother/daughter chat while working in the garden. Meanwhile, Rosita comes across a worrisome discovery that might spell trouble for their people.

Chapter 4: In the Garden

After a quick breakfast of some oatmeal and apple slices, Michonne and Judith headed out to the crop fields to do a little bit of gardening; such as de-weeding the plants and checking to see which fruits or vegetables were ready to be picked. Before they left, Michonne had asked Carl if he wanted to join them, to which he replied no; telling her he didn’t feel all that well. Only she knew better, and had a strong feeling this was about avoiding his father. Carl couldn’t fool her. But instead of pressing the issue, she opted to let Carl deal with it himself. He would face his father when he felt ready to, and she knew he would. Carl loved his dad very much and probably felt afraid of telling him the truth; afraid that his father would harshly judge him. That was understandable, but Michonne knew Rick wasn’t like that.

Yet, worrying about Carl wasn’t the only problem on her plate at the moment, as she still had little Judith to contend with. She knew how badly Judith wanted to kill some more walkers later on, as the young girl made it a point to keep bringing up the subject while they were in the garden picking some tomatoes together. Michonne wore a loose fitting button down white blouse with some stretch pants since she was about 5 months pregnant now. She and Rick had had their little disagreements over her being outside as often as she was, but she told him she didn’t want to stay inside all the time, she needed to be out there getting some fresh air and exercise. In the end, she ended up winning once she convinced Rick that it was the best thing for her, and he eventually agreed to it. But she knew he was only being protective of her, much like she was feeling regarding Judith and her wanting to kill walkers.

“Don’t you think you’d be much better off playing with dolls instead?” Michonne had said while inspecting a nearby tomato plant. She had just noticed Aaron’s adopted daughter Gracie playing with her doll off to the side of them while Aaron did some garden work of his own. “It would be a lot safer, and your father wouldn’t have to worry so much; and me as well. It’s dangerous out there, Judith, and walkers; they’re not the least bit harmless, and it only takes _one_ second of turning your back before you realize it’s got you.” Michonne had gripped Judith by her left arm in that moment just to illustrate her point of how quick walkers could actually be.

Judith sighed with exasperation as she aided her mother in looking for more ripe tomatoes, plucking a nice beefy red one, and then placing it down into their basket with the rest. There were two separate baskets on the ground between one: one to be traded with Hilltop, and the other for their own people. Judith had made sure she placed the juicy tomato into the basket for Hilltop. She was also looking forward to seeing her Aunt Maggie soon.

“I know they’re dangerous, that’s why I have to learn how to kill them. So I can protect myself,” Judith protested. Then she paused and looked up at her mother in a questioning manner. “Why does father worry so much about them anyway?”

“Because they’ve killed a lot of people he loved,” Michonne answered, now squatting down so she could begin pulling weeds. Judith immediately joined in. “And they could easily do the same to us if we’re not careful out there.”

“Oh,” Judith frowned, unable to hide the disappointment in her tone, which Michonne had immediately picked up on.

Pausing, Michonne sighed. She knew she had disappointed Judith with her words, but she had no regrets. It bothered her enough that the girl viewed killing walkers as some kind of activity, much akin to playing a game of catch. They were dangerous and it was important that Judith know this. But on the other hand, Michonne greatly admired the girl’s bravery, and knew one day this little spitfire would take on the world. She just wasn’t ready for that yet. She still had a lot to learn about the world they lived in.

“We also have to be careful not to draw more of them here,” Michonne explained next. “Herds are the most dangerous of all, and they can swallow you up. Your father and I have faced many of them back when you were still a baby. One of those herds even came right through here where we’re sitting.”

Judith’s eyes widened with shock. “Really?”

Michonne nodded. “Mmhmm. If it weren’t for everybody here working together to bring them down, they would’ve easily overrun us. That was the night your brother lost his eye.”

She now recalled that horrific moment, as well as the desperation which had gripped her and Rick as they fought their way through the herd just to make it to the infirmary. That was the night where Michonne and Rick had almost lost Carl. She felt so thankful that she didn’t, because that’s when she realized she loved him like her own son, and couldn’t bear to lose another child to this world; she forbid it.

“He’s told me that story before,” Judith said, as she squint her eyes in the sunlight. “You and father were very brave that night. Carl has told me lots of stories, especially about the time you all thought I was dead.”

Michonne could feel her heart tighten in her chest. “That was after the attack on the prison,” she sighed.

“Yep,” Judith said. “And some brave man named Tyreese was the one who saved me. Him and Aunt Carol.”

Hearing the name of a long lost member of their family caused Michonne to tear up a bit. “Yes, Tyreese was a very brave man.”

“At least you got the Governor,” Judith added gleefully, which caused Michonne to chuckle and nod.

“Yes I did. I stabbed him with my sword and left him for the dead.”

A few minutes of silence had passed when Judith suddenly asked, “Is Negan like the Governor? Is that why he’s locked up?”

Michonne wasted no time in answering. “Yes,” she nodded. “But he’s _much_ worse.”

“How?” Judith asked, almost as if challenging Michonne’s point of view.

“He’s killed a lot of our people,” Michonne sighed, trying her best not to remember that night in the clearing. “He almost killed your brother too.”

“Do you think he can change?”

Michonne curtly shook her head. “No. Not people like him.”

“Why not?” Judith wanted to know. “Haven’t we all changed?”

Michonne paused again as she thought it over. More than anything she needed Judith to understand the kind of person Negan is, when another concern came to mind. Had Carl possibly been sharing the details of his and Negan’s conversations with Judith? Could that be why she didn’t think he was such a bad man? God she hoped not.

“Stay away from Negan, Judith,” Michonne said then, as she moved on to the next plant. “Don’t listen to a word he says. He’s trouble.” And then she decided to change the subject for good. “Now, if you still want to get some target practice in after lunch, I think we might be able to arrange something.”

“Really?” Judith replied excitedly.

Michonne nodded. “On one condition though.” She held up the index finger of her free hand. “No more talk about Negan. Now, can you agree to that?”

“Yes,” Judith answered earnestly.

“And you are to stay away from him too,” Michonne added. She had a feeling this was the only way she could convince her daughter to stay away from that man, and even though Rick wouldn’t be too happy about the walker killing, he’d at least back her up on it. “Do we have a deal?” Michonne held out her hand.

“Yes,” Judith replied, shaking it.

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Rosita meanwhile, was busy working in their small apple orchard, standing at the top of a ladder while checking to see if any of them were ready to be picked. Upon her examination of several apples in the tree, she happened to notice a distinct brown scaling pattern running all the way across the entire apple.

“Gross,” she pulled a disgusted face after picking one of them, and then climbed back down the ladder to check the fallen ones on the ground to see if they too were affected by this scaling, when came a cheerful voice from behind that said, “Morning beautiful.”

Startled, she nearly dropped the apple in her hand, just to whirl around and see Father Gabriel standing there smiling. She was mad enough to hit him, so instead she just chucked the apple at him. “Don’t startle me like that,” she griped with annoyance.

Father Gabriel caught the apple in the air. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Whatever,” Rosita remarked, kneeling down to inspect one of the apples on the ground. Just as she suspected; it was the same brown scaling. “We’ve got a problem,” she now sighed, rising back up.

“What’s wrong?” Father Gabriel asked, his brow furrowing with concern.

“It’s the apple tree,” Rosita answered wearily, shaking her head. “It’s sick or something. We need Eugene. Have you seen him?” She turned around.

Father Gabriel shook his head. “Not this morning. He did take over Negan’s crap duty for me since I asked Rick for a break from that. But I haven’t seen him since yesterday.”

“Well I need to find him,” Rosita groaned with disbelief. “If this tree is sick then it’s possible the others are too. And we can’t afford to lose any more of our crops, not when the other communities depend on us, and especially not with winter being only a few months away.” She shook her head in disbelief. “We _can’t_ afford a shortage,” she stressed.

“Don’t worry I’ll find him,” Father Gabriel said reassuringly, doing his best to try and calm her. “You’re stressed enough. Maybe take a break?”

“I have to tell Rick too,” Rosita sighed, throwing back her head. “Eugene _better_ fix this.”

“I’m sure he will,” Father Gabriel replied, noting the anger in her voice. He could tell she still carried a bit of a grudge towards Eugene, especially with the way she had spoken of him as though it was his fault the apple trees were sick. That obviously wasn’t the case, but whenever Rosita was under stress she tended to place blame on somebody as though it would make her feel better. Father Gabriel knew the opposite to be true.

“I’ll go find him now,” he announced then.

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“Found it,” Eugene announced holding a book on plant and tree care. “The name of this particular disease is called Apple Scab. Heh, funny name,” he noted, receiving nothing but an eye-roll from Rosita.

“Okay, so we know the name, now how do we treat it?” She crossed her arms.

Rick stood next to her looking just as concerned. After he visited Morgan’s grave he had declared that today was going to be a good day, and now this? It made him wonder if his faith was being tested again.

Eugene meanwhile, continued skimming through the pages of the book until he found the answer. “It says to rake and get rid of infected leaves to reduce spread of fungal spores. Only water in the morning and evenings so the leaves dry out. We also need to spread a three to six inch layer of compost over the ground, but keep it away from the trunks. Too bad there isn’t a Home Depot around anymore, huh?”

“But here’s the good news,” he added then. “The apples are still safe for human consumption; meaning the scab on the apple scab won’t affect us.”

Rick felt a wave of relief wash over him then. Perhaps his faith wasn’t being tested after all.

“Well that’s good to know at least,” Rick said, gratefully. “But in the meantime we’ll deal with the treatment, follow the instructions in that book to prevent this from happening again.”

Rosita shook her head. “Doesn’t help that they still look disgusting.”

“I’m sure it looks fine once you peel away the skin,” Eugene replied.

Rosita tossed him a look of annoyance.

“Thanks for your help, Eugene,” Rick said. Then he looked at Rosita. “You too. I have to leave now and have a chat with my son, but let me know if anything else comes up in the meantime, all right?”

“I will see to it that you receive all future updates on said treatment of the plants,” Eugene replied.

“Yeah we’ll keep you updated,” Rosita added.

Rick nodded at both of them and then walked off.


	5. Life's Lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick and Carl finally have the Negan talk, while Michonne has another little talk of her own with Judith, just to ensure they're both on the same page.

Chapter 5: Life’s Lessons

Rick had already pushed away any other problems on his mind, for now his only focus was having a one on one chat with his son to get to the bottom of the Negan issue. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy and that Carl would most likely become defensive, especially if he felt like his dad was cornering him for answers. Therefore, Rick would need to approach the subject in a calm matter, despite the anger he felt about it. In a worst case scenario, the only thing Rick could end up doing was pushing Carl further away, and he hoped to god that wouldn’t happen. He loved his son very much, Carl was his life just as much as Michonne or Judith, therefore he would do whatever he could to protect him, even if that meant losing him.

Thankfully he didn’t even have to go looking for Carl, instead, he found his son sitting right outside on their porch steps as though he’d been waiting for him all this time. The look of guilt he wore on his face said it all. He knew he’d done something his father didn’t approve of, but he seemed ready to deal with it either way; probably because of the way it had been eating away at him too.

“Carl,” Rick said in a calm voice as he approached his son on the steps.

Carl looked up at him. “Yeah, dad?”

“We need to talk,” Rick responded firmly, taking a seat beside his son.

“I know,” Carl acknowledged with a deep sigh. “It’s about Negan, isn’t it?”

“Yeah it is,” Rick replied plainly.

“How’d you find out?” Carl asked nervously.

“Negan told me himself,” Rick answered. “Told me you been going down there to talk with him behind my back. Why?”

Carl sighed with disbelief. He couldn’t believe Negan would betray his trust like that for one, and second, Carl knew Negan had only brought it up in order to mess with his dad’s head some more. He was good at that.

“We just talk sometimes, that’s all,” Carl responded with a hint of bitterness in his tone. “I guess I thought I could trust him.”

Rick looked at Carl incredulously. “You _thought_ you could trust him? Carl, you know that man, you know the things he’s don—"

“I know!” Carl snapped defensively. “I know the things he’s done, dad. It’s all I ever hear about from everyone around here! But I thought he liked me, okay?”

Rick fell silent then.

“I thought he liked me enough not to stab me in the back,” Carl continued, now wiping a tear from his remaining eye. “And you’re not always there to listen when I need you, but he is.”

Rick felt his throat close up and his heart wrench. Hearing this had hurt him much more than he’d ever anticipated. It was one thing to hear it from Negan, but to hear it from his own son made him crumble on the inside. It made him feel as though he had failed as a father. And had he? He really hoped that wasn’t the case. Today was supposed to be a good day, he kept reminding himself.

“I’m sorry I haven’t always been there,” Rick confessed then. “You know I’m just trying to keep things together here, it’s never been about neglecting you or Judith, Carl.”

“Judith has mom,” Carl pointed out.

“So do you,” Rick corrected him. “You know she’ll always be there for you too.”

“But it’s not the same,” Carl argued, raising his voice.

Rick nodded in agreement and sighed. “You’re right it’s not.” With Carl reacting so defensively Rick knew he was going to have to choose his next words very carefully, or risk angering and pushing his son even further away. He felt conflicted inside, but he needed Carl to know how it made him feel.

“I just—don’t want him putting any ideas inside your head,” Rick said a moment after thinking things over.

“What do you mean?” Carl asked in disbelief. “Are you afraid of me turning out like him, is that it, dad?”

Rick shook his head. This was going to be much harder than he thought. “No, son, I just don’t want him giving you the wrong idea about things. That’s all.”

“Like what exactly? It’s just casual talk, dad. It’s not like he’s teaching me how to take over a bunch of communities. He isn’t teaching me how to be like him.”

Carl huffed. “This is bullshit.”

“Watch your mouth!” Rick snapped crossly.

Carl sighed with frustration. “So what happens now? Are you going to tell me I’m not allowed to talk to him anymore?”

“No,” Rick answered next much to Carl’s own surprise. “I’ll be honest. I don’t like it, but it isn’t my place to tell you what to do, Carl.”

There was a note of sadness in the way Rick had said those words. He didn’t like the idea of Carl having some kind of friendship with Negan, but all the same, the only thing Rick wanted for Carl was for him to be happy and feel free to make his own choices. There was no way Rick was going to try to control his son; he knew he couldn’t.

“You’re old enough now that you can make your own choices. That’s how it has to be,” Rick continued, placing a hand on Carl’s shoulder. “That’s why I trust you to make right choice when the time comes.”

Rick said nothing more as he rose back up to his feet then. Neither did Carl, but he had listened and deeply considered those words and what they meant, especially coming from his father. It was obvious Rick was still disappointed in him. Carl could see it in the way his father just walked off without saying anything more. Now Carl felt like the asshole.

“Shit,” he grumbled under his breath.

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“You see this wall full of names?” Michonne now pointed out to Judith as they stood before that wall with all the names of everyone they’ve ever lost since they arrived in Alexandria. There were so many more now that Michonne hadn’t actually realized it until she saw it for herself. “A lot of these people were killed by walkers, Judith. Not all of them, but enough.”

As Judith read some of the names in her head, she actually recognized them from the stories Carl had told her. “Why are you showing me this?”

“To show you that the world out there ain’t no game. It’s dangerous, and both our names could just as easily end up on that wall too if we’re not careful.”

Judith frowned as Michonne turned towards her.

“I know you’re strong, but sometimes it’s not enough. Believe me I know. I used to be out there myself, just me and two pet walkers.”

“Pet walkers?” Judith gasped.

“They weren’t really pets,” Michonne explained, wanting to clear that up right away. “If anything they were my shields, allowing me to hide among the dead. But even so, I still had to watch myself. We always have to, cause like I told you before, Judith, it only takes a second of losing sight of things, then before you know it you’re bitten.”

Michonne sighed as she knelt down beside Judith, stroking her long brunette hair. “I want you to know that I’m not trying to scare you, I’m just trying to help you to understand what the world is really like. It’s good that you want to learn how to survive, and I will always help you with that, your father too, but there may come a time where neither of us are around, and that’s when you’ll have to look out for yourself. Don’t ever think you’re safe. None of us are ever one-hundred percent safe, Judith. You know that gut feeling you get when something feels wrong?”

Judith nodded.

“Never ignore that,” Michonne said. “Always trust your gut in those situations, not just around walkers but other people too, especially strangers, all right?”

“Yes, mother.” Judith nodded again.

Michonne smiled and kissed her face. “That’s my girl. Now let’s go cleaned up for lunch, sound good?”

Judith returned a smile. “Yes.”

After standing back up, Michonne took Judith by her left hand and started walking back towards their house. Along the way Aaron and Gracie waved at them, and they waved back. Michonne found it hard to believe that was the same Aaron under that beard; the same Aaron who had rescued them all and brought them to Alexandria to begin their new lives. Michonne had always been grateful to him for that.

The life they were living now sounded a lot like a pipedream in those days. It was harder to trust anyone too, but after spending so much time with Rick and his people, Michonne eventually learned to trust again. Not only that, but she also learned to love again too. And now that she was carrying another member of Alexandria’s future she felt even more hopeful that civilization could make a big comeback. She truly believed it was possible.

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Carl was still sitting on the steps when Michonne and Judith returned. Right away Michonne noticed how dejected Carl looked, and wondered what had happened. Did his father already talk to him?

“Hey,” Michonne said, prompting Carl to look up.

“Hey,” he replied quietly.

“Are you okay?” She asked worriedly. Judith stood by her side wondering the same. “Carl?” Michonne called out again seeing she didn’t get much of a response the first time. “Did you and your father talk yet?”

Carl nodded. “Yes we did.”

“And?”

Carl sighed. “He’s not mad, but I think I really hurt his feelings by not coming to him instead.”

“I see.” Michonne acknowledged taking a seat beside him.

“God I feel terrible now,” Carl muttered. “Are you disappointed in me too?” He looked at her with worry.

“No,” she answered, shaking her head. “I know that you and Negan have your history. I don’t like it, but it’s not my place to tell you what to do, or who you can and can’t talk to. I’m sure your father feels the same.”

“He does,” Carl answered. “He pretty much said the same thing.”

Michonne appeared surprised by this. “I’m not disappointed in you, Carl,” she continued as she wrapped her right arm around his shoulders. “You’ve done nothing wrong, and you know that all your father and I want, is for you to be happy.”

Carl shed another tear as he turned and wrapped his arms around her. “Thanks, mom.”

“You’re welcome, son.” Michonne smiled, feeling her own tears coming on then.

Judith smiled at both of them.

“I still feel like an asshole for it though,” Carl mentioned after pulling back. “I know dad is crushed, but I don’t know what to do or say to make things better.”

“Give it time,” Michonne answered, stroking his face. “Just show him that he is your number one person when you need advice next time. Or if you just need someone to talk to. Your father just wants to be there for you, Carl. That’s all he wants from you.”

“I will,” Carl agreed, looking from her over to Judith. “Hey, you still want to wear my hat?” He asked.

Judith cracked a smile and nodded. “Yes.”

“After lunch,” Michonne interrupted them. “And then we’re gonna go kill some walkers.”

Judith cheered, pumping her fist. “Yes!”

Seeing her happy made Carl feel much better. He still found it strange that a little girl preferred killing walkers over playing with dolls, but he knew it wasn’t his place to judge.

“Come on you two,” Michonne motioned them both over as she got back up. “Let’s prepare something to eat now.”


	6. How Far We've Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol reflects on her reasons for leaving King Ezekiel and the Kingdom behind. Daryl plans to go solo for a bit on a hunting trip away from everyone. Meanwhile Rosita and Father Gabriel have a short argument, which causes Rosita to feel regret for some choices she's made.
> 
> Rick is also feeling torn over his decision in sparing Negan, especially since its come between his and Daryl's brotherhood.

Chapter 6: How Far We’ve Come

Carol was busy helping former Savior Laura load up all the crates of fruits and vegetables that were going to be traded with Hilltop in exchange for more goods, especially hand crafted tools made by Hilltop’s own blacksmith Earl Sutton. Both women were in the process of carrying over a crate full of vegetables, when Daryl Dixon spotted Carol and headed over for a quick chat. He already had his crossbow slung over his right shoulder as though he were preparing to leave on a hunt outside the walls. He did this often, especially because the loner in him desperately needed to get away from everyone from time to time. Carol also knew this and didn’t mind either. Things had been kind of awkward between them lately especially after Carol had separated from King Ezekiel once she realized she couldn’t pretend she was in love with him anymore. The King wanted her to be his Queen, but she just couldn’t’ not even for Henry. She was in love with Daryl.

She hadn’t told him this yet of course, because she was waiting for the right moment; if such a moment even existed. It was bad enough she felt terrible for rejecting Ezekiel in the first place, but it was time to be true to herself and stop pretending to be something she wasn’t. That’s exactly what she had told Ezekiel on that night outside in the courtyard. He had found her out there by herself stargazing while looking like the whole world had ended all over again. Yet in a way it had; her world of pretending had ended.

_“You’re out here alone?” Ezekiel had commented, feeling as though he’d done something to push her away. “Carol?” He desperately called out to her again, demanding to know what he’d done wrong._

_Her eyes glistened with tears under the soft moonlight as she looked back at him. “I can’t do this to myself anymore.”_

_“What do you mean?” Ezekiel asked, confused. “Do what—Carol?”_

_“Pretend that I love you,” Carol answered guiltily._

_Ezekiel hadn’t even responded, but already she could see the pain in his eyes. She had crushed his soul and heart with her words, but what else was she supposed to do?_

_“It was nice for a while,” Carol admitted next, hoping he wouldn’t feel as though she never cared for him at all, cause that obviously wasn’t true. “But I was only fooling myself and I can’t do that anymore. I have to leave.”_

_“Where will you go?” Ezekiel asked sadly._

_“Back to Alexandria,” Carol replied. “I want to be with my family again.”_

_“What about Henry?”_

_“He’ll understand.”_

_Ezekiel fell silent, his eyes downcast. It pained him to even look at her now. Everything they’d ever shared felt like nothing more than a lie. He felt used and betrayed by her, but his heart wouldn’t allow him to feel anger. He still loved her so._

_“Then do what you must,” he said solemnly, averting his eyes._

_Sadness filled her now too. “I’m sorry, Ezekiel. I really am.”_

_“Just go.” He turned away from her._

_With his back to her, she cried. She knew exactly how he felt, and she was sorry, but there was nothing she could do. She couldn’t force herself to love him the way that he wanted to be loved. That wasn’t fair to her or him. It was a lie and it could no longer go on._

_Without saying another word, she left quietly in the night._

It hadn’t been easy after that, but Carol was glad to be back with the people she considered her true family. It was even more difficult having to face Daryl, but she knew sooner than later she would tell him the truth. For now he merely believed she and Ezekiel had been having too many marital problems, and that’s why she left. He didn’t press the issue because he knew it wasn’t any of his business, although he had his suspicions there was more behind it, but he knew she would tell him when she was good and ready.

“You goin to Hilltop?” Daryl now asked Carol, while she and Laura set the crate down into the wagon with the others.

“I’m thinking about it,” Carol answered with a smile. “I haven’t seen Maggie in god knows how long, or her kid.”

Daryl nodded. “I bet Hershel JR’s gotten big.”

“You going on a hunt?” Carol asked next, seeing his crossbow.

“Of course,” Daryl huffed. “Gotta check for them walker herds too. Make sure there ain’t any new big ones formin close by.”

Laura shot Daryl a puzzling look. “If there were don’t you think we’d know by now? Rick has lookout patrols out there. They would’ve radioed back by now if there was anything to worry about.”

“I’m goin farther out,” Daryl replied. “Might be a gone a few days, depends.”

Carol could already feel the fear building up inside of her as she looked back at him. She didn’t want him to be gone that long; or gone at all for that matter. She wanted him to stay where she could watch over him. “Why that long?” She mustered the courage to ask him.

“Just need to get away for a few days is all,” Daryl answered her, already picking up on the distress in her voice. He could tell she didn’t want him to leave; he could see it written on her face.

“Then I’m coming with you,” she now insisted. “It’s too dangerous out there for you to be by yourself for that long.”

“Nah, I’ll be fine,” Daryl shot her down. “Besides, its bout time you saw Maggie and her kid. Don’t be ditchin them for me.”

Carol sighed with frustration and Daryl placed his hand on her shoulder.

“I promise. Don’t worry bout me.”

“I believe you.” Carol nodded, even though she still didn’t want him to leave, but there was no way in hell she was going to stop him.

“You okay?” He asked her then.

She nodded again and scoffed. “Who me? Of course. Nine lives, remember?”

He snorted and hugged her tight. “Atta girl.”

In that moment she felt her heart skip a beat. “I’m going to shower you down when you get back,” she playfully teased him after they broke apart.

He scoffed back at her and started walking off towards the gate. “Yeah, keep tellin yourself that!”

Her smile fell as she watched him exit the gate. Laura was giving her a side-eyed glance.

“You two an item?”

“What?” Carol replied incredulously.

“You and Daryl,” Laura pointed out. “The way you two are always hugging and flirting.”

Carol scoffed. “Flirting? Oh it’s nothing like that,” she said dismissively, trying her best to hide her true feelings. Only Laura didn’t seem the least bit fooled.

“Sure it isn’t,” Laura remarked with a wry smile. “I know flirting when I see it.”

 _Mind your own business_ , Carol was thinking now.

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“You still mad at me?” Father Gabriel cautiously approached Rosita, who was now sitting on the porch of her home eating an apple. He couldn’t help but feel pathetic, as though he were begging for her forgiveness, especially as he met her annoyed gaze.

“No,” she answered plainly, still behaving as though she had a chip on her shoulder about something, only Gabriel couldn’t begin to understand what that was.

“You just seem like you’re still mad about something,” Father Gabriel mentioned worriedly. “Are you sure you’re not still mad at me?”

Rosita swallowed another bite of her apple, and rolled her eyes. “I said no, what else do you want me to say?”

“See?” Gabriel pointed out. “You’re acting very snippy with me, now what is it? I thought we were supposed to be together, but I haven’t been seeing much togetherness between us at all.”

All of a sudden Rosita was feeling very guilty and stopped eating. She and Father Gabriel were supposed to be romantically involved, but she had done the unthinkable and slept with Siddiq behind his back, and now she just felt horrible about it. She was feeling torn between wanting to tell him the truth and not; knowing it would only break his heart.

“Well, I’m waiting?” Father Gabriel snapped with impatience, wanting to hear why she had been acting so distant lately.

“Can we please just talk about this later?” She finally asked him after a beat of awkward silence. “I’m really not feeling well.”

Father Gabriel threw his arms up in frustration. “Fine, but whatever this is I want you to tell me, all right?”

She nodded, and then he turned around and walked off. A deep sigh escaped her as she hung her head, beginning to feel extremely nauseous now; like she could throw up at any moment, and knew she needed to get to a bathroom fast. Quickly, she rushed inside the house, practically bumping right into Eugene in the process, before she hurried into the bathroom and shut the door behind her and locked it.

Feeling concerned, Eugene went ahead and pressed his ear to the door to listen, and that’s when he suddenly heard her vomiting. He actually waited until there was silence before he gently knocked on the door and asked her if she needed anything.

“Are you, uh—okay in there? I heard you emptying the contents of your stomach. Sounded bad.”

“I’m fine,” Rosita answered, clearly annoyed that he’d been standing outside the door listening. “I just ate too fast or something, that’s all. You can leave now.” She put down the toilet lid and rested her head against it, wiping the built up sweat off her brow.

“Oh okay then,” Eugene responded cordially, even though he had a feeling something else might be wrong with her.

“I need to see Siddiq,” she muttered bitterly to herself. “God, what if I’m pregnant?” She tried to remember when her last period had been. She groaned and exhaled deep. If she was in fact pregnant, this would only make things worse between her and Gabriel, and it was bad enough she hadn’t yet confessed to being unfaithful. Now she was in a world of hurt. Worst of all, she still missed Abraham and realized she’d never found another man like him and probably never would. Now she found herself crying.

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Rick meanwhile, had been debating over whether or not to tell Negan that he had talked with Carl. He even made it as far as the basement entrance, when he suddenly decided against it. As it was, Rick already had enough to deal with for now with running Alexandria and assisting the others with the horses and wagon. He’d even thought about leaving with Carol, Aaron, and Laura on their trip to Hilltop just so he would have something else to focus his mind on. Then again, seeing Maggie and her kid would only remind him of the choice he made in keeping Negan alive. She wanted to see Negan die so she would have closure, and Rick had taken that away from her; just so he could honor Morgan’s loss. Some people understood, but others didn’t, especially Daryl. Things had also been strained between them too, but Daryl hadn’t held back on his feelings either. Once or twice he’s ripped into Rick about making a decision without the consent of everyone else; everyone else who wanted to see Negan die. Daryl had been one of them, especially after the torment Negan had put him through.

 _“It wasn’t your call to make that decision for all of us,”_ Rick remembered Daryl angrily stating before, back when Rick was trying to have a heart-to-heart talk with his brother.

 _“I did it for Morgan,”_ Rick tried explaining to Daryl, who just didn’t want to hear it.

_“Yeah, I get it,” Daryl huffed. “He saved your life now you think you owe to him to spare that asshole. You really think that’s what Morgan wanted?”_

Rick had questioned this himself.

_“He built that cell, Daryl. Because he wanted us to find another way.”_

_Daryl scoffed mirthlessly. “Nah, you did it for yourself. Morgan felt different towards the end and you know it.”_

_“There’s no civilization if all we do is **kill** people,” Rick countered next. “Negan has to be an example of that. We have to go back to how things were before.”_

_“Whatever man,” Daryl shook his head in disbelief. “Things ain’t like they were before because everything changed. You’re holdin onto something that ain’t meant to be.”_

Rick’s expression closed up as he remembered that exchange between him and Daryl. He missed his brother very much and hated the fact that his choice had driven a wedge between their friendship. Now Daryl hardly said a word to him, and spent most of his time outside of Alexandria. Not even Carol’s return did much to change that. No matter what, Daryl just didn’t want to be around Rick much anymore and Rick felt crushed inside.

Still, Rick at times asked himself why he had chosen to spare Negan. He had cut the man’s throat and then stood there because he wanted to watch him bleed out and die. Rick had been blinded by his rage at the time, but it wasn’t until he realized Negan was going to die that he changed his mind and ordered Siddiq to save him. After Rick had given the order, Maggie was in complete hysterics; screaming in the background, chilling Rick to the bone. And while he truly felt sorry for her he needed Negan to live so that he would serve as an example of capital punishment. Just as Rick had told Daryl, they couldn’t bring civilization back if all they did was kill people. Michonne had understood and even agreed with Rick. The killing needed to stop; it didn’t matter who they decided to use as an example. There were plans to build more cells in the future; the future Rick still envisioned in his mind.

But then Rick had later learned about what went down at Hilltop, how Maggie had hung Gregory in front of her people one night in order to set an example of her own. Daryl had been the one to divulge that information, reminding Rick that his way wasn’t the only one; there were other choices now. But while the news had shocked him, Rick felt the hanging was justified since Gregory had attempted to murder Maggie. Nobody really liked that man to begin with, and it seemed like the people of Hilltop simply tolerated him. He was a coward and a turncoat. Rick remembered the time when that man had the audacity to speak for his people, telling them that Hilltop stands with Negan and the Saviors. He also threatened to kick out any of his people who disagreed with that decision too. Gregory had always been about saving his own ass, so it was a good thing he was gone.

However, that didn’t change the fact that Maggie had hung that man in front of all those people. It would have been a lot more appropriate to take him outside the walls of Hilltop and shoot him execution style instead. At least her people wouldn’t have had to watch. The people had witnessed enough violence, so enough was enough. It was time to try and put all that behind them; leave all the killing to the mindless walkers which still plagued their world. And then Rick thought about Judith. He was proud of his daughter for wanting to learn how to fight and defend herself, but he also felt like she might be enjoying it a little too much. After all, killing walkers was supposed to be about survival not entertainment, and he knew Michonne felt the same, because she had more or less expressed that to him during their nightly chats.

Michonne herself was deathly afraid of becoming too comfortable and forgetting how to survive out there. That had always been her biggest fear since before arriving at Alexandria. She even told Rick that was another reason she didn’t want to stay in Woodbury with Andrea. She had always seen through the Governor’s bullshit, but at the same time she also saw how weak the people of Woodbury had been, and she knew it was because they hadn’t been out in the world for too long, or they just forgot because they believed they would always be safe. She didn’t want to see that happen to Andrea either. She still missed Andrea very much, and so did Rick. One night he’d even been kind enough to share the story of how he and Andrea first met. Michonne smiled and even chuckled over how serious Andrea had sounded then. She felt it was too bad that wasn’t the same Andrea that faced the Governor, because she probably would have put him down herself. Even Rick agreed that Andrea in the beginning was not someone to mess with.

_“We’re always talking about the people we lost,” Rick fondly remembered saying to her that night. “It’s been years but they’re still with us.”_

_Michonne nodded. “Yes they are.”_

_“Even their last moments,” Rick added somberly, remembering all their faces as they took their last breaths._

_Michonne remembered being with Andrea in her final moments, and felt a stray tear slide down her cheek._

_“Think of how far we’ve come though,” Rick said. “We couldn’t have done it without them, they helped us get here, so we honor them by living and making this community the best we can.” And then after a moment of silence Rick added, “Daryl thinks I was wrong to spare Negan. He thinks I should’ve let him die instead, but what do you think?” Rick held Michonne’s dark gaze; she looked to be in deep thought before she answered._

_“You did what you felt was right, Rick. It doesn’t matter if it was for Morgan or if it was for me. You did it so that we can choose a different path going forward. Not everyone is going to agree it was right, and you can’t control how those people feel, or change their feelings.”_

_“I know,” Rick nodded in agreement, running his hand down his face. “I just wish Daryl would talk to me again.”_

_Michonne frowned. “Give him time and he will.”_

In that moment as Rick watched Daryl leaving Alexandria to go on one of his hunting trips, a feeling of complete sadness overwhelmed him. More than anything he just wanted his brother back, and he hated Negan for being the thread that unraveled it all. He shouldn’t be alive but he was. Rick suddenly felt his sadness replaced with a burning anger. Hatred flared in his icy blue eyes as Rick regretted ever allowing that man to live. He wanted to kill him and just be done with it; to return to normalcy, but still his conscious was holding him back.

Who was it this time? Was it Hershel or Lori? Shane was definitely behind his desire to kill Negan, and he could even hear Shane’s voice shouting at him as if to fire him up, “C’mon man just walk in there and shoot his worthless ass dead. Why you keepin him alive for? He’s just another mouth to feed, an you know that food should be going to your people instead of some trash talkin low life piece of shit!”

Shane would have definitely wasted no time in killing Negan. Why hadn’t Rick just taken after him? It was all so frustrating, and right now Rick needed to get away from it all. He needed an escape.


	7. How it Always Starts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carol talks Daryl into traveling half-way with her and the others to Hilltop. Rick meanwhile, gets the update on the orchard situation, and Carl confronts Negan for going behind his back.
> 
> On the way to Hilltop, Carol, Daryl, and Aaron are ambushed by a group of strangers intent on robbing them.

Chapter 7: How it Always Starts

Daryl hadn’t gone too far just yet, instead, he decided he would hang back for a bit and make sure that Carol and the others made it safely through the gate without any trouble from walkers. He’d already put one of them down that was out wandering outside the fences. It was an easy kill; a quick stab in the temple with his knife, and the walker had fallen limp at his feet. He spat on it, noting its weathered and decayed appearance. The skin on its face had practically rotted away, exposing more of its skull, with very little hair left on its scalp.

After all this time, the walkers had been slowly decomposing, becoming a lot more frail and weak. Every now and then Daryl had come across some fresh ones, but it seemed to be a rarity these days. The walkers in general were mostly scattered about in open areas. Large herds would pass through ever so often, but Alexandria and the other communities had worked together to lead them away, while also keeping the noise to a bare minimum.

Travel had also been limited or halted altogether until the herd was gone and the roads were clear. Rick and the other communities also sent out patrols every now and then to keep track of the walker herds. So far it had been at least a month since the last large herd had moved through the area. Jesus had been the one to spot it while making his way back to Hilltop one afternoon and promptly alerted Maggie, who then notified the Kingdom and Alexandria via their walkie talkie system. After that, all three communities had worked together to lead the herd away, and there had only been one casualty; a young man from Hilltop who had fallen off his horse once it got spooked by the surrounding walkers.

Both Jesus and Aaron had attempted to draw the walkers away from the young man so he could escape, but they were too late; he’d already been swarmed and his frantic screams were the last thing they heard. It had been rough after that, because everyone was tired of losing their people, but unfortunately it was to be expected. Aaron was still working through his own PTSD at the time, and sought comfort in Jesus. The two young men spent as much time as they could together, training, talking, and enjoying the simple pleasures of life that still remained. They’d never intended on becoming an item, but it had unexpectedly happened one night when Aaron was going through a mental breakdown over all the people they lost, as well as all the violence he’d witnessed.

Jesus had always been an attentive listener, but he also understood that Aaron needed more than a therapist, he needed physical comforting too, which Jesus was more than happy to provide as well. It was something of a long distance relationship between them, especially since Aaron preferred to stay in Alexandria. After all, he had a daughter to care for and felt she would fare better in Rick’s community since there were plenty of other kids close to her age. But Aaron’s decision had also had a lot to do with wanting to remain with his family; the group of people he originally brought to Alexandria. Like Aaron, Jesus felt the same when it came to Hilltop, and so he stayed there, but the two men always made an effort to see one another when they could, and that was good enough for both of them.

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While he waited, leaned up against a tree, Daryl lit a rolled cigarette. He’d never been the type to allow his thoughts to consume him, but that’s exactly what was happening in that moment. He hated feeling at odds with Rick; his brother. It felt like a thorn in his side but he still loved Rick very much. He would even still die for him if it that’s what it took. Daryl was just that loyal. He loved Rick but he hated the choices he made in dealing with Negan. As far as Daryl was concerned, Negan should’ve been left to die out there. Both him and Maggie wanted to see that son of a bitch die, and Rick robbed them of that ;robbed everyone who wanted the same thing, all because he believed sparing Negan’s life is what Morgan wanted.

The very thought of that left a bitter taste in Daryl’s mouth, and Daryl remembered back when Morgan used to be all about saving everyone’s lives and giving them a second chance. That version of Morgan hadn’t lasted too long when it came to the Saviors. The Saviors had driven him over the edge and unleashed the killer within again. That’s who Morgan was up until the very end, but Rick hadn’t seen that. Or maybe he just didn’t want to. Instead, Rick had seen whatever it was he wanted to see; some illusion of grandeur as far as Daryl was concerned. But then again, the war with the Saviors had changed Daryl too. They also turned him into a killer, so was it any wonder why Daryl wanted to see Negan die? It wasn’t even about the torture he endured, but the horrific manner in which Glenn was murdered.

And with Rick sparing Negan’s life, it just came across as a big _“fuck you”_ to Daryl, to Maggie, and everyone else who suffered; and also to Glenn and Abraham. It just wasn’t right in his eyes or _fair_.

Puffing on his cigarette, Daryl kept an eye on the gate, especially once he heard the distinct sound of hooves on the ground; a sign that Carol and the others were ready to leave. In the far distance Daryl heard the snarling of another walker, and quickly turned himself in its direction. That was about the time he also caught the sound of Alexandria’s gate sliding open, and the horses and wagon making their exit.

Keeping his focus on the walker, Daryl unsheathed his knife, and marched right up to it. Just like the one before, it was badly decayed in tattered unisex clothing, looking like it was barely holding itself together. Daryl didn’t even attempt to make a guess over what sex it was as he swiftly drove his knife right into its skull.

Squelch!

Its mouth was open in a mid-snarl by the time Daryl yanked the blade back out, and pushed the walker onto the ground. After that, he took a moment to scan the rest of the surrounding area around him for signs of anymore, but didn’t see any. Relived, he turned his attention back to the horse riders and wagon that were now making their way down the road. It was strange not seeing any vehicles anymore, but eventually they’d run out of gasoline and so horses it was.

Carol and Aaron rode the horses while Laura and another young man that Daryl didn’t really recognize, were sitting in the wagon with the goods. Carol halted her horse as Daryl approached them.

“You should come with us,” Carol suggested. “C’mon hop on.” She patted the space behind her on the saddle. “It will be fun.”

Daryl snorted at her. “No I’m good. Thanks.”

He noticed Carol had her Colt Detective Special on her hip as well as her knife. Seeing this, he knew she was in good hands and could handle herself if they got into any trouble.

“I’m sure Maggie would love to see you too, how long has it been since you saw her last?”

Daryl shrugged. “I dunno, bout a month?”

“See?” Carol teasingly pointed out. “Which is why you should come along. You can go on your hunting trip later when we get back.”

“You’re not gonna take no for an answer are ya?” Daryl scoffed at her, amused by her persistence. When Carol wanted something she usually made sure she got it.

“Of course not,” she quipped. “So, are you coming with or not? We need to leave now if we hope to get there by sundown.”

“Tell ya what, I’ll walk with you guys half way, good with you?”

“Half way?” Carol repeated quizzically. “I guess I can accept that.” Then she looked over at Aaron. “What do you think?”

Aaron flashed a smile and chuckled. “Whatever Daryl wants, but we should get going now if we want to make it in time.”

Carol nodded in agreement, and then looked back at Daryl. “All right, pookie. You can walk us half way and then go on your hunting trip.”

“Sounds good to me,” Daryl replied, already walking ahead of them and keeping an eye out for any more walkers.

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Judith hadn’t wasted any time after she finished eating and rushed outside. She was wearing Carl’s Stetson hat, and was proudly showing off to everyone as they passed by.

“Are you the new Sheriff in town?” Eugene teased her as he headed over just then. He was wearing a hat of his own; a cowboy hat. His hair had grown out long over the years and now he wore it in a braid.

“She sure is,” Rick answered for her, coming down the porch steps to join his daughter, while placing a protective hand on her right shoulder. “She’s about to head out with Michonne and Carl to get some walker killing practice in today.” The look on Rick’s face seemed conflicted about the whole thing, but at the same time, he understood how important this meant to Judith; and Michonne.

Eugene grunted in acknowledgement. “Shooting lessons or melee weapons training?”

“Both!” Judith answered excitedly. Rick smiled proudly, patting her shoulder.

“There haven’t been any large herds around since the last one a month ago,” Rick now mentioned to Eugene. “A few gunshots shouldn’t be any cause for concern. I know we’re still low on ammo these days as it is, which is why we save it for any living threats. But the walkers make for good practice against both.”

“Right they do,” Eugene agreed. He hadn’t said it, but there was still a look of guilt on his face about his past actions and how he’d turned against his family just for a modicum of respect. He recalled how his last conversation with Sasha had really pained him to the point of questioning his loyalty to Negan. It became even more difficult to ignore when Sasha had died and he was the cause. And for the longest time Eugene found it hard to even look at himself in the mirror. Now all these years later he’d done what he could to make up for all of that; even though it still felt as though it would never be enough. After all, nothing he ever did would bring Sasha back, and it was just something he would have to live with for the rest of his days.

“How are we on the orchard situation?” Rick next asked.

“Just following all directions in the book to a tee,” Eugene answered. “I even asked Carol to put in a request for some more compost from Hilltop. With any luck I think Maggie will approve of said request, being that Hilltop needs our apples in order to make their pies—high in the sky apple pies.”

Rick nodded at him with a blank expression on his face, and Judith giggled.

“You talk funny,” she pointed out.

“Yes, I am fully aware of that,” Eugene acknowledged monotonously, and then changed the subject. “Have you fed Negan his lunch yet?”

“Carl said he wants to do it this time,” Rick replied, looking as though he’d just bit into a lemon over that fact. “I let him since he and Negan need to have a little talk themselves. Carl is upset that Negan went behind his back and told me about him sneaking down there to talk to him.”

Eugene’s face was expressionless as he listened.

“The way I see it, this could be a good thing, because it shows Carl that he can’t trust Negan at all, and that’s what we want. If anything, this might even dissuade Carl from wanting to talk to him for good.”

“You’re right,” Eugene agreed. “That is highly probable, and for your sake I hope it is.”

Judith remained quiet on the issue, but she was definitely paying attention to what was being said. More than anyone, she understood her brother’s side of things because she too felt the same; even if she hadn’t experienced what happened first hand. She understood that people change, and the man in that prison cell seemed nothing like the baseball bat wielding psychopath that used to put the fear in people’s hearts. To her, he was just someone who liked to talk and make jokes at her father’s and other people’s expenses, and that was it. She felt no fear around that man, and she knew Carl didn’t either; not anymore at least.

“Well, your mother should be coming out any moment,” Rick said to Judith, gently squeezing her shoulder. “You be safe out there, you hear?”

Judith nodded. “Yes, dad.”

“You show those walking corpses whose boss,” Eugene added, tipping his hat to her.

Her freckled face brightened at the gesture, and she did the same back to him.

“All right, I’m needed back on orchard duty for the remainder,” Eugene said. “Speak with you later, Rick.”

Rick nodded at him and watched as Eugene walked off. Judith watched as well, when the front door soon opened and Michonne walked out onto the porch with her katana in its sheath slung over her shoulder. “Are we ready?” She asked, coming down the steps. Rick immediately turned towards her and offered to help her down the steps. She raised a hand in protest and told him she was fine.

“I’m not that bad yet,” she teased with her usual beautiful smile; the one that had always made Rick weak in the knees. “Where’s Carl?”

“He’s bringing Negan lunch,” Rick answered.

“And you’re okay with that?” Michonne asked. Rick noted the worry in her voice.

Rick nodded at her. “Yeah, I told him it was okay. He’s not exactly on good terms with Negan at the moment.”

“What do you mean?” Michonne stepped closer. Judith stood quietly listening to them.

“Carl isn’t happy that Negan told me about the situation,” Rick next explained. “But I see it as a good thing , because it shows Carl that Negan can’t be trusted.”

“You’re right it does,” Michonne agreed. “Well, Judith and I are going to head out to the field now, so whenever Carl is ready he can join us.”

“Both of you watch yourselves out there.” Rick placed his hands on Michonne’s shoulders. “Especially in your condition.”

“I’ll be fine,” she replied with reassurance, grabbing and kissing his face. “I’ve got my sword and Judith to protect me.” A confident smile lit up her face.

“I know you will.” Rick nodded and kissed her right back.

“Come on, let’s go already!” Judith hollered with impatience.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Michonne responded. Both her and Rick started laughing. Rick shook his head. “So eager to kill walkers, isn’t she?”

“Yep.” Michonne agreed as she started following after Judith, who was already sprinting towards the gate with the excitement of a kid that was heading towards a playground. But the way Rick saw it; the whole world was her playground now.

“Stay safe!” Rick called after both of them, praying it wouldn’t be the last time he saw them.

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“I brought you your lunch,” Carl said irritably, sliding a tray of food under the cell door. Negan was already standing up from his cot to come over and greet the boy, although it appeared as though Carl was mad at him.

“What’s wrong?” Negan asked as he knelt down to collect the tray of food: A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, an apple, and a side of homemade coleslaw. Negan was hungry enough he wasted no time biting right into the sandwich; much in the way a starving dog would gorge itself on a slab of meat. He was also thankful that he was allowed to eat the same kind of food everyone else did, instead of being fed dog food like he’d done to Daryl in the past. Negan knew that probably pissed the redneck off more than anything.

“You told my dad,” Carl snapped angrily at Negan, his eye looking right at him. “Why?”

Negan suddenly stopped eating and set the rest of his food down. “Look, I’m sorry.”

Only Carl wasn’t buying it, and instead he just shook his head in disbelief. “I trusted you and then you go behind my back and tell my dad _everything._ So now I’m the one who has to hear it from him!” Carl paused to catch his breath. “I can’t believe you,” he muttered audibly enough so that Negan could hear him. “And here I thought you actually liked and respected me,” Carl continued, glaring at Negan with his eye. “I should’ve known it was a load of bullshit!”

Seeing Carl this angry actually surprised Negan, and the look the teenager was giving him reminded Negan a lot of the same look Carl had given him during the lineup. That “future serial killer” look as Negan had coined it back then.

“You’re right, that was an asshole move on my part, and for that I’m very sorry,” Negan sighed. “I do like talking to you, Carl. That’s no bullshit at all. But I’m sure after this you probably don’t even trust me anymore, do you?”

Carl huffed and looked away from him. Being here listening to Negan plead his case was only making him angrier by the minute. He’d much rather be outside the walls of Alexandria killing walkers with his mom and sister.

“No I don’t,” Carl answered after another period of silence between them. “And I’m leaving now, so finish your lunch. My dad or whoever will be down later to collect the tray.”

And with that, Carl turned around and started heading up the basement stairs, when Negan desperately called after him, “I’m sorry!”

Carl ignored him as he made his way out of the basement and closed and locked the door behind him. He wiped a stray tear away and then proceeded to look for his dad so that he could hand him back the keys. For now, Carl wanted to just get away from this place and find something to take his mind off this drama that was plaguing his thoughts. It was bad enough that his ex girlfriend Enid had found someone else and didn’t want to talk with him much anymore; that left Carl alone with hardly anyone his age to turn to. It was rough but somehow he managed. JSS: Just Survive Somehow; that’s what he lived by these days.

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“Does your horse have a name?” Daryl asked Aaron, walking along side of him on the road. They had been traveling for close to an hour so far, and thankfully with very little walker encounters, but Daryl knew it was only a matter of time before their luck with that would change.

“Buttons 2,” Aaron answered, gently petting his horse’s head. “I always thought that was a good name.”

Across from them on her own horse, Carol smiled. She knew this was good for Daryl instead of him isolating himself out in the wilderness somewhere, although she wouldn’t have minded if it was just the two of them out there. It would have been nice and they could finally talk. She was still wondering how such a talk would even go, or how Daryl would even react to her confessing her feelings for him. Would he feel the same, or just scoff and blow her off?

“We got any special orders to bring back?” Daryl asked, looking up at Aaron.

“Eugene requested more compost,” Carol answered. “But I’m requesting an apple pie.”

“So am I,” Aaron agreed with a smile. “Hilltop does make the best ones.”

“Yes they do.” Carol looked down at Daryl in order to check his reaction. He seemed agreeable so far.

“Who would’ve ever imagined we’d have that again?” Aaron said. “Apple pies from Hilltop and fruit cobbler from the Kingdom.”

“All we need now is some pizza,” Daryl joked. Both Carol and Aaron chuckled and agreed with him.

“I do miss pizza,” Carol said, reminiscing about better times before the apocalypse. She remembered eating pizza with Sophia some nights while Ed was passed out drunk in the living room. Back then she used to pray that he wouldn’t wake back up. She felt horrible about having those thoughts then, but now she realized it was only justified.

“Maybe someday we’ll even have a pizza delivery service,” Aaron joked, although he did sound a bit hopeful.

“Pizza delivery by horse?” Daryl snorted, causing everyone else to laugh.

“Who knows? Maybe one day we’ll be able to drive again,” the young man named Danny commented. “We’ve already come this far, so why not?”

“Maybe,” Daryl commented, now turning his attention back to the road ahead, when Carol suddenly warned, “Walkers!”

Both horses were already freaking out as a small group of about six walkers were shuffling their way towards them. Carol quickly hopped down and pulled out her knife. Daryl was already aiming his crossbow at one of the walkers in the front, and took aim. The arrow struck the walker in the head, killing and knocking it down. Carol lunged towards one with her knife and stabbed it in the head. She did the same to another one that was right behind it.

“You need any help?” Aaron called out, while Laura and Danny both hopped out of the wagon and joined Carol and Daryl in killing the rest of the walkers.

“No, we’ve got it!” Carol called back. “Just keep the horses calm so they don’t overturn the wagon,” she stressed, pulling her knife out of the head of another walker.

Not long after, all of the walkers had been put down and remarkably nobody had been bitten or injured in any way. Carol was already counting her blessings. She and Daryl were already working together to drag the walker bodies off the road in order to clear it. Carol dragged the last body off to the side, then stopped and mopped the sweat from her brow. It had definitely gotten hotter by this time, and would only get worse as the day progressed.

“That wasn’t so bad,” Daryl commented.

“You’re right it wasn’t,” Carol agreed with him, smiling softly. “It’s a good thing you were here.”

“Nobody move! And drop your weapons!” A woman carrying knives suddenly ordered, as she and four other people suddenly rushed out of the tree-line, surrounding Carol and the others.

“I said drop your weapons!” The woman with long dark hair and dark eyes growled, looking right at Carol and Daryl. “You with the crossbow, put it on the ground!”

Daryl huffed and did as he was asked. Carol also placed her knife on the ground as well as her gun. As she sized up the other people surrounding them, she noticed two of them; a couple of young black women were carrying slingshots for weapons, and the other woman who looked Asian, had her own bow.

“Nobody has to die, but we are going to take your crates of food here,” the woman gestured at the wagon. “You’re free to leave, but try anything and we won’t hesitate to kill any of you.”

Carol blinked with disbelief, and Daryl glared at the woman. He was already wondering how long it would take to put an arrow between this woman’s eyes.

Aaron was quietly standing beside his horse with his hands held high.

“We’ll be taking your horses too,” the woman added, now motioning for Aaron to move away from his horse. “Do any of you have a problem with that?”

Daryl grunted. “Just take the shit and go.”

The woman suddenly got in his face. “There’s no reason to be an asshole about it. This is just survival.”

Daryl spat on the ground beside her.

“So you just raid anybody who passes through here?” Carol shot her an incredulous look.

“Whatever it takes, lady,” the young woman retorted boldly. “You got anything else to say?”

“That’s enough, Magna! There’s no need for all this,” the Asian woman suddenly cried out, lowering her bow. It was obvious she wasn’t the least bit approving of this whole ordeal, even if they needed food.

“Magna, huh?” Daryl scoffed at the woman. In that moment he wondered if it was even worth it offering to help these people by taking them back to Alexandria or even Hilltop. As of now, this _“Magna”_ was quickly trying his patience. He also noticed the tattoos, especially the large one on her chest. She must have thought she was some kind of bad ass or something. Daryl already couldn’t stand her.

“Look, you people obviously need help,” Aaron then spoke up, keeping his hands raised. “We can help you. We’re from a community called Alexandria. There’s plenty of room for all of you, and it’s safe from the dead.”

The other two women were already exchanging looks with one another, with one of them using ASL to add her thoughts on the matter.

The younger looking black woman next to her, turned to Magna and said, “Connie says we should take this man up on his offer. We don’t have to be out here anymore, not if we don’t have to.”

“It’s better than trying to rob people,” the man of their group next added. “I’m Luke by the way.”

Carol looked at Daryl. “What do you think about all this? Should we help them?”

Daryl didn’t answer right away being that he was still feeling conflicted inside. “I guess.” He never took his eyes off Magna just to make sure she didn’t try anything stupid. “If it’ll stop them from robbing people, then yeah.”

Magna narrowed her eyes at him. She hated it when others were so judgmental of her. “Fine.” She agreed a minute later. “You can take us back to your community, but if it turns out to be a trick, then we are going to kill you.”

“It’s not a trick,” Aaron sighed, shaking his head. “You’ll see.”

Carol also sighed as she turned and faced Daryl. “I guess we won’t be making our trip to Hilltop today, so you’re free to leave if you want.

Daryl shook his head. “Nah, somebody needs to watch these people. I’m comin with.”

Carol looked utterly surprised by his answer. “You sure?”

He nodded. “I don’t trust em, especially that Magna chick. She’s bad news.”

Magna had overheard him and shot him a stone cold glare.

“All right.” Carol nodded at him. “I’m sure Rick would appreciate it too.”

At the sound of that name, Daryl was already picturing how Magna’s meeting with Rick would go down. He knew that if Magna dared to treat Rick the same way she had him, Rick would probably throw her out on her ass, and that alone was something Daryl was looking forward to seeing.


	8. The Unwelcome Wagon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick has to deal with some unexpected visitors in Alexandria, in which he has to make a decision for the betterment of his people. Meanwhile, Carl, Judith, and Michonne are out killing walkers for target practice, and things almost take a turn for the worst.  
> Later, Rick confronts Negan again but this time Rick sees a very different version of the man who used to force people to kneel before him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been a while since i last updated, been trying to work this story out and also dealing with being sick and tired. I hope you all enjoy this update as I'm enjoying fleshing this story out and seeing where it goes.

Chapter 8: The Unwelcome Wagon

Rick Grimes had expected a lot of things to happen that day; a lot to go wrong even, but the one thing he wasn’t expecting was the return of Carol and Aaron so soon. They never made it to Hilltop since all the goods were still neatly packed inside the cart, and most surprising of all were all the new faces accompanying them. Who were these people? Rick was already asking himself the moment they entered the gate of his beloved community. They were carrying weapons which had instantly triggered the alarm bells inside his head. It reminded him of Deanna, and what she must have thought back when he and his people had walked through those gates carrying their own weapons. She must have felt worried for the safety of her people as well. Now Rick found himself in Deanna’s shoes for the first time in his life.

His shock only grew once he spotted Daryl among them however it also gave him a bit of relief knowing the redneck was there to help him protect what’s theirs; despite their disagreement over the Negan issue. Daryl was still loyal as ever. That’s the only thing Rick saw, until he turned his attention back on the five armed strangers; four women and one man. This group, whoever they were, couldn’t be much of a threat compared to the lot of them. These people would have been stupid to try anything knowing they were outnumbered and outgunned. Daryl and Rick exchanged looks, but surprisingly Aaron had been the one to approach him and try to explain the situation.

“We encountered these people on the way to Hilltop, they tried to rob us.”

Rick’s eyes went stone cold at the sound of that alone. He was already feeling like these people couldn’t be trusted as it was, but then finding out they tried to rob his people was nothing but the final nail in the coffin. These people would not be permitted to stay.

“They tried to rob you?” Rick repeated incredulously, already sounding very angry.

Aaron nodded. “Yes, but only because they were starving and desperate for food.”

That part of the situation didn’t even seem to register with Rick. He was already pissed off enough over the fact that these people tried to screw them over by putting them behind schedule.

“So, I told them about our community and said that we would bring them back here,” Aaron continued, studying Rick’s face to get an idea of what their leader might be feeling. He looked pretty angry judging by his face alone, which meant Aaron would really have to try if he wanted to convince Rick to help those people.

Rick’s eyes then met Carol’s, and he saw nothing but indifference in them. Carol had that cold look which told Rick she didn’t give a damn whether these people lived or died, just as long as they didn’t try to get in her way again. Rick couldn’t blame her for that either.

“They need our help,” Aaron pressed, grabbing Rick’s attention once more, while making him sound a lot like his old self, back when Rick and his people first encountered him. It reminded Rick that despite everything they had been through Aaron never lost his humanity entirely. He didn’t allow the world to change him, and while Rick admired that about the man he also couldn’t help but feel it was also dangerous, especially because it meant that one day he might accidentally bring the wrong people in. And as Rick shifted his focus back to these strangers, he wondered if what he was seeing now just might be one of those times. Michonne, Carl, and Judith hadn’t even returned yet. He trusted they were safe outside the walls, but still the fear and worry crept up on him like a lone walker snapping its jaws and snarling in his ear until it was the only thing he heard anymore.

Now Rick looked to Daryl again, and saw the redneck shaking his head slowly and mouthing the word, “no.” It was bad enough they had trouble getting along because of the Negan situation therefore Rick knew that if he had blindly accepted these people into their community it would only push Daryl further away, and right now saving their brotherhood was a lot more important to him than helping some strangers.

“They can stay overnight, but I want them gone first thing in the morning,” Rick answered then. “We’ll give them food and water and send them on their way, but we still need to get those supplies to Hilltop. Maybe Maggie might have room to spare for these people, but I don’t want them here.”

Magna was already giving Rick the stink-eye in response, and Aaron realized Rick had made his decision and it was final. There was no convincing him otherwise; not that Aaron would even dare to try. After all, Rick was all about keeping their people safe.

“Go ahead and take their weapons,” Rick next ordered looking right at Magna’s sour face. “They can have them back tomorrow once they’re outside the walls.”

Aaron nodded at him, and then cautiously approached the five strangers. “You heard what he said. Surrender your weapons.”

Magna huffed in disbelief and scowled at Rick. “You’re the leader of this community, huh Gramps?”

“That’s right.” Rick scowled right back, hovering his right hand over his colt python just in case this young woman tried anything stupid. “If you or any of your people have a problem with the way I run things you can leave right now.” He kindly gestured towards the gate with his left hand.

Yumiko was already sighing and shaking her head at Magna. “Let’s just do as the man asks. He’s offering us food and a place to stay for the night, isn’t that good enough?”

“No it’s not.” Magna replied.

Connie and Kelly were already exchanging worried glances, and Connie was urgently signing at her sister, _We need to stop her before she does something stupid._

Kelly nodded in agreement, while Luke just stood there dumbfounded as ever.

Rick then brazenly walked up to Magna and got in her face. “Excuse me? You’re the ones who tried to rob _my_ people on the road, and now you’re here inside _my_ community making demands? You’re lucky we don’t just kill you and call it a day, cause that option is still on the table.” Rick then whipped out his gun and aimed it at her head. “I’m only going to say this one last time. Surrender your weapons or I’ll kill you.”

Daryl appeared stunned as hell to see an old version of Rick he hadn’t seen in years. Where had he been all this time? And more importantly, why hadn’t it been this version of Rick that faced off with Negan? It made Daryl wonder if something might possibly be going on with Rick that made him revert back to his old self. Whatever it was it was a good thing in his eyes.

“Last chance,” Rick said with harshness, tilting his head, now putting the fear of god into Magna, causing her to remove her knives and drop them at his feet.

Yumiko and the rest of her group had already surrendered their weapons before things had escalated. But being that Magna was stubborn as hell and didn’t like abiding by authority, she almost cost herself her own life as well as the lives of her friends too. None of them could believe it and were just as furious with her over it, especially Yumiko. 

Rick lowered his gun. “We’ll keep your weapons locked up for tonight. Tomorrow morning you can have them back.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Once we’re outside your walls, I heard you before, Gramps,” Magna rudely quipped in return, causing Rick to clench his jaw with frustration.

“You best watch your damn mouth!” Daryl fired back at her, already sick of listening to her attitude. “Rick’s a good man, but you’re tryin his patience with your bullshit—an mine too!”

Magna then looked from Rick to Daryl, not saying another word, when she suddenly stormed off as though to find some place to be by herself, yet Yumiko seemed quick to follow after her, while Kelly, Connie, and Luke stayed behind doing their best to show Rick how grateful they were for his help.

“We’re really sorry about Magna,” Kelly said to Rick a moment later. “She’s just looking out for us. She doesn’t mean to come across like she does.”

Rick said nothing more, reacting as though he didn’t want to hear another word about it. Aaron was silent on the matter too, his eyes downcast with a glimmer of regret within them; regret over bringing these strangers here and causing Rick more problems than he needed.

“She ever been in jail before?” Daryl suddenly asked, sounding as though he already knew her type.

Connie nodded.

“With an attitude like that it’s no wonder,” Daryl scoffed, while Carol stood by his side. “You best tell her to clean up her act before she gets you and your people killed someday. Cause them other folks out there might not be so sympathetic.”

“I’ll show you where you’ll be staying tonight,” Aaron then announced to Kelly, Connie, and Luke.

“Thanks,” Kelly replied gratefully.

Aaron led the way and the three tired strangers followed after him.

Rick watched them and then looked over at Carol and Daryl, giving them a knowing look. “We need to watch these people close, especially Magna.”

Daryl and Carol nodded.

“Don’t got to tell me twice,” Daryl scoffed.

Rick nodded at him.

“If she tries anything at all with our people I’ll kill her myself,” Carol promised in a matter-of-fact tone.

This reminded Rick of how thankful he was that Carol was on their side and not against them. But he still wondered about what must have happened between her and King Ezekiel. Her return to Alexandria had been unexpected, but a very welcome surprise nonetheless. Rick had always been glad to have her back.

"We need someone to watch their weapons, make sure they don't try to steal em back in the middle of the night." Rick looked at Carol. "So I want you to guard the armory."

“On it,” Carol replied before taking off.

After Carol had left it was just Rick and Daryl, but there didn’t appear to be any hostility between them, only complete respect and understanding; the thing Rick had missed the most.

“You got nothin to worry bout,” Daryl said a moment later.

Rick nodded. “I know.”

Another pause between them

“You’re still my brother, you know that, right?” Rick said then, a hint of strained emotion creeping into his voice.

Daryl nodded. “I know.”

As a show of respect, Rick patted Daryl’s right shoulder, and then walked off.

Daryl felt a stew of emotions himself now. The exchange between them had felt like a blast from the past, and Daryl fondly remembered the moment in time when Rick had told Daryl he was his brother. It felt good to hear it again, but at the same time it hurt deep because of how conflicted Daryl was on the inside over Rick sparing Negan’s life. Nevertheless, it was a start to patching up their friendship.

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The sun shone bright, looming over a crisp blue sky with hardly a single cloud in sight. It was right at about two in the afternoon when Michonne, Carl, and Judith had made it to their destination; a wide open field which was located about two miles from Alexandria. Michonne had remembered this field especially. After all it had been the same area she used to sneak out and practice her sniping skills, back when Negan had them all under his boot. Those were trying times. But now, Michonne saw nothing but serenity, despite the unsightly walkers as they shuffled about from far away. Seeing walkers had become just about as natural as seeing deer or any other wild animal in nature. The walkers themselves might have once been human, but now they were just as wild as the rest of the animal kingdom. Somewhere along the line Mother Nature had accepted them as part of her world. But regardless of how many or how few were left; one thing for was certain. They were always a threat.

Holding her katana, Michonne surveyed the landscape, keeping an eye out for any walkers that dared to get too close to them. Carl wasn’t far away. He held Judith against himself with two protective hands on her shoulders. He wasn’t going to take any chances with her getting bitten or injured in any manner.

The snapping of walker jaws and the echoes of their snarls grew louder as a few stragglers had suddenly spotted them and began shuffling their way. Carl gripped Judith’s shoulders even tighter. He always felt tense whenever walkers were anywhere near his family. It was obvious he’d taken after his father in that regard. Carl always thought about everything his father had gone through or done in order to protect his family; even if some of those choices had been difficult to digest. What Carl had come to understand from his father’s point of view, was that everything was about survival. He even remembered the lecture his father had given when he told Carl _“You are not safe.”_ And now after all this time Carl realized he felt the same when it came to his little sister or Michonne. Nobody was ever completely safe.

“Okay, Judith.” Carl said. “You see that walker right there? The one headed for mom?” Carl pointed out a lone female walker with matted blonde hair and a tattered plaid dress that was covered in mud.

Judith nodded. “Yes, is that the one I’m going to shoot?” Judith gripped her pistol tightly but the safety was still on for now.

“Yes, but not until me and mom say it’s okay. All right? Don’t be afraid of it, we’re both here and we’ll protect you. _I’ll protect you_. Carl couldn’t believe how much he sounded like his father just now. It almost sounded surreal, but he felt proud that he could show Judith he was there for her just as much as Michonne was.

The walker was getting closer now, but so was another one that seemed to have snuck up on Carl in that moment and was now only about ten feet away.

“Carl!” Judith cried out once she spotted it just then.

“I’ve got it!” Michonne answered, rushing over, slashing her katana and taking off its head. She looked right at Judith after she stabbed it through the head. “Remember what I told you before, about how they can easily sneak up on you when you’re not paying attention?”

Judith frowned and nodded.

“Now you see.” Michonne said, and then returned her focus to the female walker that was now much closer than she would’ve preferred. “They can’t run but it sure doesn’t take them long to catch up to you.”

“Thanks, mom.” Carl smiled at Michonne.

Michonne nodded at him and then motioned for Carl and Judith to move back a ways.

“Go ahead and switch the safety off now.” Carl instructed his sister. She eagerly did as she was told.

“Now, aim for its head and squeeze the trigger.”

“But it’s moving too much,” Judith protested, beginning to feel frustrated with her target.

“That’s what they do,” Carl explained. “That’s why you have to learn how to shoot them while they’re in motion.”

The walker was getting closer now, its snarls and growls much louder.

Michonne was trying her hardest not to lose her shit and take the walker out herself, but she trusted Judith could handle this.

“Come on, Judith. You’ve done this before,” Michonne encouraged. “You can do this.”

“Mom’s right, Judith. You’ve done this before, you’ve got this.”

Judith tensed her expression as she raised the pistol up at eye level, getting the walker’s head in her sights. Narrowing her eyes, she pulled the triggered.

Blam!

She still heard snarls, realizing that shot had only grazed the side of its head, and now the walker sounded even more furious with its meal and lunged forth.

“Again, Judith!”

Michonne felt a surge of panic shooting through her. If Judith couldn’t take out this walker in time she or Carl would have to intervene and soon.

“Judith!” Michonne screamed frantically.

Judith backed farther away from her target, and got it in her sights again. She pulled the triggered.

Blam!

The bullet had gone right through the walker’s head that time, dropping it to the ground at her feet.

Michonne gasped with a mixture of fright and excitement. She was so proud of her baby girl, but that had been a close call.

“You did it!” Carl cheered her on. “See? We told you you had this.”

Judith felt mighty proud of herself and smiled boldly up at her brother, and then looked over at Michonne, who looked she could faint at any moment.

“Are you okay, mom?”

Michonne nodded, pressing the palms of her hands together as a form of prayer. “Yes, I’m fine. I was just scared that’s all.”

Judith beamed. “Can I learn how to use a sword like yours too? I know we only save the bullets for bad people like Negan.”

Michonne’s face froze at the sound of his name, but she couldn’t deny she preferred that Judith kill walkers with a sword instead of a gun. It made less noise and was a lot easier to take them down as they were coming at you. She would definitely be much safer that way.

Carl on the other hand, had reacted to Negan's name with utter indifference; as though he didn't have a single care in the world.

“Sure.” Michonne nodded. “Maybe we can even make another trip into D.C and find you a sword all your own in the museum. But I think that’s enough practice for one day,” she sighed a moment later. “I’m not in the mood for anymore heart attacks, and I’m sure your father would feel much better if we were safe behind the walls again.”

“Yeah, same here,” Carl agreed. “That’s enough close calls for one day, all right?”

“All right,” Judith agreed, sounding like a kid who was bummed out because they got told they couldn’t use the slide one more time. “You’re right about walkers, mom. You can never let your guard down.”

“Nope, never,” Michonne said.

With a quick glance behind her, she noticed a few more walkers had suddenly turned up, which only meant they would need to leave immediately if they hoped to avoid being swarmed. It was unfortunate, but she knew other walkers in the area had likely heard those gunshots. Just like Rick, she had recalled the last mega horde that had come through the area about a month ago. But of course there was no telling if that same horde had completely disappeared off the radar for good. She knew deep down inside there was always that chance that it could return. Rick must have known this too otherwise he wouldn’t have been so careful planning out trading times and routes between the other communities.

“Let’s go home.”

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“You barely touched anything on your tray,” Rick pointed out after he’d knelt down to collect Negan’s half eaten lunch. “What’s the matter? Lost your appetite?” Rick had made sure to make that last sentence sound as condescending as possible being that Negan looked to be moping as it was, seated on his cot in silence, hanging his head like a dog that just got caught after having an accident on the floor. Rick actually preferred this version of Negan.

“Are you mad, cause Carl finally saw you for who you really are? A man with no respect for _anyone_ , no loyalty or honesty?”

That last word had definitely stung, causing Negan to slowly lift up his head and meet Rick’s icy stare.

“I am honest, Rick,” he uttered quietly.

Rick just scoffed and shook his head at him.

“I am,” Negan insisted, now rising up to his feet.

Rick looked right at him. “My son trusted you, and what did you do? Oh, I know, you went right behind his back, didn’t you? All just so you could rub it in my face that he was talkin to you behind my back.”

There was brief pause before Rick continued.

“Did you even think about the possibility of that ever backfiring on you, Negan? Of course you didn’t.”

Rick couldn’t believe the sad expression he saw on Negan’s face. Did he genuinely feel bad for his actions?

“I care about Carl, I’ll be honest about that,” Negan confessed.

Rick curtly shook his head. “No, you don’t. See, you were only pretending to be his friend just to get to me. You were using him.”

Negan suddenly felt very numb inside from the cold words that were coming out of Rick’s mouth. Rick could see it for himself and was enjoying every second of it.

“I would never use Carl,” Negan argued.

“But, Negan, that’s what you _do_ ,” Rick said point-blank as though he had just fired a bullet right into Negan’s heart with that statement. “You use people. It’s what you’ve always done and what you would still be doing if all of us hadn’t come together to stop you.”

Intense hatred filled Negan’s eyes now. He couldn’t believe how speechless Rick had actually left him.

“You’re nothing now, to _nobody_ ,” Rick harshly continued, looking Negan right in the eye. “And I’m sure my son probably hates your guts now. So, good job, Negan. You’ve already succeeded in pushing away the only other person who dared to listen to you run your mouth. Now you really are alone.”

“Fuck you,” Negan uttered as he wiped the tears from his eyes. But no matter how cruel Rick was treating him, Negan was only getting a sample of the kind of treatment he used to dish out and now he’d simply found himself in Rick’s place. But rather than beat him to death with a baseball bat covered in barbed wire that was crudely named after his dead wife, Rick had beaten him with his words and harsh reminders of all the things Negan had brought upon himself. It was pure and utter torture for him.

“You don’t even have Lucille to keep you company,” Rick added then with an amused smirk. He was greatly enjoying this psychological torture.

Negan went stone faced and marched right up to the bars, gripping them tightly with his hands and demanded through clenched teeth, “Where is she?”

“Out there where you dropped her,” Rick answered, completely unfazed by Negan’s fury. “She’s out there all alone, probably even worn down now from all the rain we’ve been having lately.”

Negan looked as if his heart had shattered completely; a clear look of the lost in his eyes that spelled true desperation.

“I need to see her,” Negan began to cry, sounding extremely pathetic to Rick’s ears.

“No.”

“Please,” he begged, crying like a helpless man as though Rick was a doctor telling him there was nothing more that could be done to save his Lucille.

“I said no,” Rick repeated himself firmly. “You are never going to see that bat again.”

Defeated and angry, Negan then slammed his fist against the bars as though trying to hit Rick through them, but it was no use. Pain had immediately shot through his arm in that moment, and he turned around and headed back over to his cot to sit back down and cry his heart out.

Rick didn’t feel the least bit sorry for him at all.

 _This is what you deserve_ , he thought in that moment as Negan sobbed uncontrollably into his hands _. You brought all this on yourself._


End file.
